passive-aggressive behavior

passive-aggressive behavior at thermotron

It could be a coworker or family member, but we all know at least one: The person who irritates and frustrates us in countless small ways but always just within the bounds of socially or professionally acceptable behavior.

This is one of the hallmarks of passive-aggressive behavior. Others mentioned in In My House, a personal skills curriculum published by Responsible Decisions in Denver, Colo., include being indirect or manipulative about trying to get others to do something, hiding the truth or not dealing with it so that others� feelings or reputations get hurt, and encouraging or creating an atmosphere of distrust and secrecy so that group members feel uncomfortable about where they stand. In truth, we all engage in some of these behaviors at times just to be socially accepted or to get along as best we can. However, some people regularly communicate and interact with others using these behaviors.

If you must deal with colleagues or family members who behave in this way, consider the following suggestions from Karen Webb, ACSW, a therapist in private practice in Grosse Pointe, Mich.

- Don�t snap at the bait. Understand that the goal of the passive-aggressive person�s consistent, irritating behaviors is to get the targeted person to blow up, to behave irrationally. The passive-aggressive personality rarely crosses the line from being frustrating and irritating to being openly angry. So when others react in anger, the passive-aggressive person can say in a manner dripping with innocence, "Gosh! Delia is nutty/overly emotional/unable to handle the work." To the casual observer, it does appear that the person who blew up was overreacting, and the person behaving in a passive- aggressive style was a "victim."